Is It Helpful? Ephesians 4:25-5:2

A text – Ephesians 4:25-5:2   
4:25 So then, putting away falsehood, let each of you speak the truth with your neighbor, for we are members of one another. 4:26 Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 4:27 and do not make room for the devil. 4:28 Those who steal must give up stealing; rather, let them labor, doing good work with their own hands, so as to have something to share with the needy. 4:29 Let no evil talk come out of your mouths but only what is good for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear. 4:30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with which you were marked with a seal for the day of redemption. 4:31 Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice. 4:32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you. 5:1 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children, 5:2 and live in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

A reflection:

Good advice here about living a life that builds up yourself and other people, builds up the community. I especially love verse 26: “Be angry but do not sin” because it makes a distinction between anger, an emotion everyone feels, and sinning, which is thought, word, or deed perhaps done in anger.

We have all seen it when really good parents bring a young child to a public place and, for some reason, the child becomes angry or frustrated and begins a reaction that can turn into a meltdown. Good parents don’t tell the child, “Don’t be so angry.” I mean, they could, but it would do no good. This kid is already angry. A little human cannot just stop anger. The trick is to give the young person a safer place to get through it where less damage is done to self and others. Sometimes together they go outside and walk it off. Sometimes together they sit in the car. Sometimes together they find a quiet room and hang out. It feels embarrassing for everyone, to some extent, but children whose parents give them time and space to get through it learn that emotions can come and go, but they aren’t us.

Watching my grandsons learn how to deal with anger has taught me much about what I mostly failed to learn before growing up. Anger and fear and shame are gifts, in a way, given to us to teach us about the world and life. Our survival depends on our being able to feel and understand those emotions without killing everyone around us, including ourselves. Killing is of the sins not to do (urged in verse 26). Hurting others is another sin to avoid. Watching my grandsons teaches me that when I am angry or afraid or even ashamed, I need to ask myself “That thing you are about to say – is it helpful? Truly?” Even if I say the thing after considering that question, the thing I say may be more honest and inquisitive and less threatening and scary. Less sinful. I do not always succeed in this. But I find that it makes me slower. I hope for less breaking of trust. More upbuilding.  Being more helpful to the relationships in our community. In these days, we need the truth AND our community up-built.

A prayer:

Lord God, Thank you for loving us. Thank you for giving us good lessons in holding community together. Thank you for reminding us that we can feel what we feel, but that acting in sinful ways to break things doesn’t help us to build up the community and get your work done. Help us with our patience, so that we may do what you want us to do. Amen.