Worthy Listening – Matthew 18:15-20

A text – Matthew 18:15-20

¹⁵ “If your brother or sister sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If you are listened to, you have regained that one. ¹⁶ But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. ¹⁷ If that person refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church, and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a gentile and a tax collector. ¹⁸ Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. ¹⁹ Again, truly I tell you, if two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. ²⁰ For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.”

A reflection:

Here is Jesus telling his disciples how to live together in their community of believers, how to come to terms without coming to blows. When we think of interpersonal conflict, especially in church circles, we might think of people talking about one another rather than speaking with the person we might have a quarrel with. However you may have experienced church conflict, usually there is much more speaking  listening going on. After all, when we are in conflict with someone, we do really like making our point. And as we talk, we escalate, even exaggerate, and the volume goes up, and the good sense goes down.

But in Jesus’s description of how we ought to do conflict and come to terms with one another, he uses the word listen four separate times without ever using the word speak. Jesus tells his disciples that if the person in question in the conflict refuses to listen to one person, then to 2-3 persons, then even to the whole congregation, then the non-listener needs to leave the community. My experience has taught me that our Lord was right about this. I used to help congregations and large church bodies through a process of spiritual discernment when they were in conflict. Such discernment depends on deep listening, even when listening is very difficult. Listening deeply to an opponent changes us, makes us more vulnerable, more open, more apt to try at least the edge of new thinking, for the good of all. It is what the Apostle Paul called “conversation worthy of the gospel of Christ” in his letter to the Philippians.

Jesus knew, of course, that human beings have trouble living with one another without conflict. Jesus knew we wouldn’t listen very well, so he was training his best students how to help people manage disagreements. In these days of people disagreeing with one another every day and even being encouraged to oppose one another, let’s think about listening and the good it can do in our personal relationships and in our congregations. We ought to make our listening worthy of the gospel of Christ.

A prayer:

Lord God, thank you for loving us. Thank you for Jesus’s good instructions on listening. Help us to drop our need to speak long enough to listen to the opposing point of view. Help us to grow into the disciples you want us to be. Amen.